probably healthier than pissy titties and soap drinking

Do you mean asphalt? I have asphalt shingles on my house and they grow a lot of moss. If you really mean asbestos please postpone wondering about this and remove the asbestos from your roof as soon as possible

I mean I feel like it’s kind of hard to define what “the internet” really is because it’s so decentralized. Like if you cut all the undersea cables and split the internet into multiple parts, which part is the real internet?

And even if all the commercial ISPs went away, people could still connect their networks together through phone lines or mesh networking so it would be hard to say the internet was really gone