01:15 (AM that is, but using 24 hour time format doesn’t need AM/PM) here… zero sleep, listening to a bunch of depression music… :/
Living with family (family of origin, that is) but half of my family members are away… especialy mom…
You only learn to appreciate someone¹ once they’re gone… this time for 30 days… one day its gonna be forever… 🥺 (¹mom that is, Idk how to feel about older brother, still haven’t fixed the broken relationship since those series of fights about 7-9 years ago… )
Mom’s so busy with my brother’s marriage plans, haven’t have much time to talk to me. Idk what to even say on the phone… I just wanna hear her voice… I kinda have a panic attach if i don’t hear her voice or if she takes too long to respond…
I’m just feeling very suicidal rn
I’ve been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for around twenty years, and what helps me out a lot is observing nature: Be outside, watch birds and other animals, how they live. This is always comforting, the life continues and our problems are transient. With that, I try being a bit more like a bird: enjoy others’ company, take some sun, cackle a bit now and then.
Anyhow whatever way you find, realize that you are loved and cherished, you are important and we need you here. If you feel it’s too much to handle, please call 988 or if you are abroad https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp.
If you live near a church, a mosque, or a site of prayer, I’m certain they will be willing to lend an ear with no compromise.
Whatever is going on, there is so much to see, taste and experience that eventually it will be worth it, please keep at it.