If I see someone wearing something I like, be it piercings, hair colour, earrings, etc., I will complement them. The smile on their face is worth it.
Whenever you have to interact with someone in fast food or retail say “thank you” afterwards.
Remember that every person you meet has their own life going on with their own stress and drama. It makes it easier to be kind to the ones who are not being kind to you. And doing this will help a lot of them to also be kinder to others. It’s a positive feedback loop.
For me recently, I had the realization that I had the possibility of being very gentle with someone who doesn’t know something (even the smallest thing!). As a kid I’ve had a few traumas related to being shamed/pointed at for not knowing something and the fear of asking stuff is still present today. So I do my best to ease that for other people
Not sure whether this fits here but I think first about this one Discord bot you can use to receive someone’s vent and then helping them out with the problems they vent about.
Should take only minutes to help one soul (you can help as much as you’d like with it though).
Someone brought this up in another current thread: consider your end goal. What result do you want from an interaction, and how can you act in a way most likely to make that happen?
So often we react in an emotional way, and act like punishing someone else because they behaved inappropriately is the only just response. And i’m not saying you should ignore bad behavior or that no one should experience consequences for their actions. This advice is literally just to consider your options, to determine what course of action will most likely get what you desire rather than what feels good in the moment.
Do small, but good things, that nobody else sees. Pick up trash, fix something, let someone in front of you in traffic, smile and thank your cashier, hold a door for people, give a $5 bill of to an old person panhandling, etc. You will know you are doing positive stuff without credit, and you YOURSELF will recognize that you are a good person, and that will change how you want interact with everyone else. Eventually others will recognize it, too.
try to leave everything slightly better than you found it
When a stranger does something trivial that ticks you off just let it go
I have my own personal thoughts on this, so take this how you will.
Think about times where you have been angry at how people miss handled situations with you and try not to put others in the same boat if you ever find yourself in a flipped position.
Putting yourself in another person’s shoes also helps. If somebody is doing something that you don’t agree with but you might do if you were in the same situation as them, then you should probably cut them some slack or at least respond proportionately.
A really big one was a lot of people is stress and having trouble dealing with their own problems. A lot of the time people will act much harsher and disregard others when they have tunnel vision from their own issues. Being aware of your own current mindset can be helpful for realizing that you might need to take a step back and breathe before committing an action or saying something that you might not mean later.
It all basically comes down to the Golden rule and being aware that other people exist and have their own problems and perspectives.
Put a toy inside of yourself.
A vibrating toy preferably
Sadly, we’re not allowed to do that in the US
I’m telling you, this works. Each day, pause to think of three things for which you are grateful. It can be big or small. Examples that I’ve used: that I got to spend the evening with a close friend who has a typically busy schedule, that I slept especially well the night before, that the book I was reading turned out to be a good one, etc.
Sometimes it’s something profound about how someone positively mentored me when I was younger. Or small stuff like knowing that there’s a piece of cheesecake waiting for me in the fridge. The point is to do it every day. It’s kinda awkward getting going, but then it becomes second nature and they come to mind effortlessly. I am convinced that it’s made me a calmer, nicer, more understanding person.
Im not sure if this will make you kinder but I find many many people skip very easy oportunities to make a small improvement in the world. These things are miniscule but they are things everyone can do all the time. Grab a cart from the lot if you pass one by that is not in a choral as you go to the store. Pick up litter that you pass by and toss or recycle it. I live in a condo complex and if my neighbor have packages that are easy enough to carry I bring them up and put it near their door and they actually now do the same for me. Not only a great convenience for us both but a great little human interaction for us both that makes us closer neighbors. Hold a door for someone, offer a seat on a train. Just keep in mind if you have an oportunity to do something that is scarcly and inconvenience for you but makes the world a better place. I would add smile when you see people. Be nice whenever you can and even return rudeness or such with strangers with kindness. You don’t have to deal with their stuff every day so its easier to be pleasant and move on.
Be kind to service workers.
Patience, thank yous, and trying to understand how to make their job easier (e.g. not waiting to look at the fast food menu until you’re at the front).
Short, low stakes practice.
Also if they are struggling to figure out something(scanner not working, getting weird error due to network connection issues, trying to find an obscure option you requested etc) be quiet and let them work. Don’t try to make small talk, let them concentrate on what they are doing.
And if they apologize, respond politely, and tell it is alright. You can wait for a bit.
Leave a solid 1.5 to 2 car lengths between you and the vehicle in front of you while on the highway. When someone wants to merge into that space, let them and recreate the separation. It’s a kindness not just to those who merge into the space, but to all drivers as it makes travel for everyone safer and lower stress.
Uh, 2 car lenghts on the highway? Isn’t that… Incredibly small? Am I missing something here?
1.5 to 2 car lengths
on the highway.
You call that leaving a gap? Going that close would be regarded as severe aggression on our Autobahn. Even punishable in many cases.
Sadly, it’s extremely common practice for folks to leave far less than even 1 car length even traveling at 60 or 70 mph. :(
I see now why it is that easy for the so-called self driving cars to produce (seemingly) good statistics.
I try to keep 2 seconds of space, but find myself encroaching cliser in traffic.
Part of the defensive driving cold war is protecting space in front of you.
it should be 1 car length per 10mph of speed. 2 car lengths isn’t enough at highway speeds, it should be several, because as speeds increase your reaction time shortens and so does the force of impact
I was taught the 3 second rule. If you drive 3 seconds behind, the space will adjust to the speed.
I was taught 2 seconds, interesting number to track.
I was taught 3 seconds in the city, 7 seconds on the highway. Always better to be extra safe.
You’re not wrong and good luck getting anyone to do that. Can you imagine how much easier/nicer/more efficent travel would be if people would do this?
Leaving gaps also prevents having to slow down or stop as often and reduces traffic congestion overall.
say thank you, please, and etc. basic manners and courtesy to others.
It blows my mind that almost nobody does this anymore. I go to like coffee shops and stores and etc every other day, and basically nobody says this to sales people anymore. It’s insane to me how objectively rude so many people are to other people who are helping them.
it’s so bad that it’s gotten to the point i’ve had people tell me i’m wrong for saying these things to service people. becase ‘it’s their job you shouldn’t have to thank them’ etc.
On a first date, someone said I was so incredibly polite. I was like, all I do is say please and thank you because my mother taught me it’s the right thing to do. She was responding to my placing an order at a coffee shop.
Ok I think people are not a bad person for not saying it but how does one even conceive that these words could be negative? Do the people who say this have some kind of superiority complex or are they trying to live out their dom fetish or something?
I have never heard any worker from the service industry ever say they wanna hear less kind words. The fuck.
Superiority complex. “Why should I thank the lesser people for just doing what they’re told?”
Cheapens the phrase if you use it all the time
Cheapens the phrase if you use it all the time
“Welcome to Costco. . .I love you.”
“Welcome to Cotstco. . .I love you. . .”
Yeah if you say the exact same phrase to the same people. But if you’re genuinely kind you adapt to the moment and then you stop sounding like a robot.
And also this doesn’t apply to service workers who I will probably come across a handful of times only. And to them it’s probably more of an offset to the shitty experiences they had that day.
TL;DR theoretically yes, practically no.
I agree, just giving an example of why someone might not want to say thanks all the time. I save it for when they actually look at me
Not if you say it in earnest.
Thanks
You’re welcome
