People should do what they are comfortable with, but yes, if a guy wants to attract women, this is definitely a way to get what he wants.
I was part of the alternative scene and I also thought the goth-boy aesthetic was very attractive. All the girls did. To me, the most attractive thing a man could do to his appearance was to let his hair grow long. Like past the shoulders long.
Didn’t have to put on make up and jewelry. Just have long hair and you could be fat or skinny, pretty or ugly. Didn’t fucking matter. I’d look. If Henry Cavill walked down the street next to a nerdy guy with long hair, I would look at the nerd everytime. If he wore band t-shirts and military boots, it was game over. Only way a guy could fuck it up for himself with me was if he started the nice guy routine or was so socially awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl. I have experienced both. The latter was a full date where the guy didn’t say a word to me once and I was the one who had walked 20 km to get to his place because he had social anxiety and couldn’t leave his home. Poor guy. I hope he’s doing better today.
When I was young I had so many hairstyles. I did ponytails, I did muffin-tops, I did mullets, I even did cornrows once. Having hair was fun.
The last time I grew my hair out I realized I was starting to look like Michael Bolton and chopped it off and donated it. Been shaved ever since. Growing up happens.
Yeah, if it gets to the point where the hair starts thinning that intensely, it’s better to just shave it off and bald is pretty awesome too! Don’t get me wrong.
I was more so speaking from the vantage point of me and several of my female friends when we were teenagers and early 20s women. I’m neck deep into my 30s atm and at this point, looks matters very little. My boyfriend has very short hair and hasn’t worn band shirts for almost two decades but he’s still a total snack to me.
Unrelated to anything, but I just find this funny because I have had to talk to so, so many young men as an older guy who has done mentorship/coaching.
I’m neck deep into my 30s atm and at this point, looks matters very little. My boyfriend has very short hair and hasn’t worn band shirts for almost two decades but he’s still a total snack to me.
You and a hundred million women in their 30’s will repeat this sentiment all day every day. But the moment one ditzy college-age girl says on twitter that she prefers tall guys who wear expensive watches, suddenly an army of incels is born as that one take gets sent all the way to the top of every social media feed and carves out an entire new political movement.
Yeah. People like to be victims. It gives you a out of jail free card to not work on yourself if the world is against you. Doesn’t matter how true or false that is. If you want to find an excuse to not try and to victimize yourself at the same time, there is no limit.
There is sort of a sad poetic irony to the guys who value money and looks over anything substantial because they will spend all their time and energy on appearing rich and alpha and then they will bitch and moan when they can’t find a girl who loves them for them.
And saddest of all: they literally can’t see that all the things they hate women for are their very own values in life, projected onto the opposite sex.
Am as described, (well, part of my hair is long, the middle. Sides not so much), wear band shirts (punk/metal mostly), and pull out the boots in the winter myself, buuuuuut
Only way a guy could fuck it up for himself with me was if he started the nice guy routine or was so socially awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl.
100% I’d miss whatever sly little hints you’re throwing, and even if I noticed them I’d think you’re surely just being nice and there’s no way you’re into me.
I’d imagine I’m far from the only one, not talking at all on the date or being able to leave home is a little far lol, but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward or would rather miss signals than make someone feel uncomfortable being hit on in public! I mean hell, why do you think we have long hair and like metal/punk? It’s often partially because we’re a little socially awkward/anxious, and that community is very understanding of it!
My friend, I am not remotely the sly hinty type. I am an elephant in a china shop if I decide to pursue a guy.
At the same time, I am the queen of obliviousness if a guy I deeply respect and like shows me any form of romantic attention, because I don’t believe that someone that amazing could ever like someone like me. Took my boyfriend a few months of sending literal love letters with romantic quotes and pressed flowers, a few visits to my apartment where we would just hang out and get to know each other and him telling me bluntly to my face after a few months that he had a crush on me before the hamster wheel started spinning in my head. The effort he put in to get to know me and to woo me was completely fucking alien to me because most of my romantic endeavors in the past had been me pulling teeth. So, I totally get the concept of being dumb as a brick when somebody likes you.
but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward
My guy. I’m not talking about a “little” awkward. The example I gave was of a guy with debilitating social anxiety. When I said “so shy and awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl” I mean it literally. He did not talk to me. He barely looked at me. I walked 20 km to see him at his place (which is pretty fucking stupid, but very gracious of a then 17 year old girl who just wanted this random guy she had never met, to feel comfortable) and I sat there and held a one-sided conversation afloat for at least an hour while he was a potato across from me. He was not a bad guy, he just could not talk to a girl. Probably never had talked to a girl until I came by. I gave up eventually and walked all the way back. 20 km.
I have never written a guy off for being a little awkward. Ever. What I did do was to often put my own comforts, needs and emotional well being on hold for guys who didn’t bother to give anything back at all. I have dated shy, awkward and mentally ill guys. They weren’t great to me. At all. I did all the work all the time and if I ever asked for a crumb of affection I had to deal with tantrums about how they had social anxiety or depression or something else so my comforts didn’t matter because they had it worse and they came first and I had to be more mindful and patient with them.
Being a little shy and awkward is fine. I don’t mind that at all. I mind it when it becomes what defines a person and they feel entitled to make their issue someone else’s responsibility to carry for them.
Relationships are a two way street. You can be shy and awkward and even have social anxiety, but that is not up to a potential partner to fix or accommodate for you at the expense of their own mental and physical health. That is your burden to bear. In dating you cannot sit in silence and let the other person do all the work for you and then get offended if they move on from you. If you give them nothing, they won’t stick around. Even a doormat like me ended up not wanting to deal with that bs anymore and I was lucky enough to end up with someone who understands that you need to earn the other person’s affection and loyalty. It is not owed to you.
Where are you from? :D I’m Danish and here, being a long haired guy with band t-shirts mostly translates to “dude probably works in tech and is a massive nerd”
People should do what they are comfortable with, but yes, if a guy wants to attract women, this is definitely a way to get what he wants.
I was part of the alternative scene and I also thought the goth-boy aesthetic was very attractive. All the girls did. To me, the most attractive thing a man could do to his appearance was to let his hair grow long. Like past the shoulders long.
Didn’t have to put on make up and jewelry. Just have long hair and you could be fat or skinny, pretty or ugly. Didn’t fucking matter. I’d look. If Henry Cavill walked down the street next to a nerdy guy with long hair, I would look at the nerd everytime. If he wore band t-shirts and military boots, it was game over. Only way a guy could fuck it up for himself with me was if he started the nice guy routine or was so socially awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl. I have experienced both. The latter was a full date where the guy didn’t say a word to me once and I was the one who had walked 20 km to get to his place because he had social anxiety and couldn’t leave his home. Poor guy. I hope he’s doing better today.
When I was young I had so many hairstyles. I did ponytails, I did muffin-tops, I did mullets, I even did cornrows once. Having hair was fun.
The last time I grew my hair out I realized I was starting to look like Michael Bolton and chopped it off and donated it. Been shaved ever since. Growing up happens.
Yeah, if it gets to the point where the hair starts thinning that intensely, it’s better to just shave it off and bald is pretty awesome too! Don’t get me wrong. I was more so speaking from the vantage point of me and several of my female friends when we were teenagers and early 20s women. I’m neck deep into my 30s atm and at this point, looks matters very little. My boyfriend has very short hair and hasn’t worn band shirts for almost two decades but he’s still a total snack to me.
Unrelated to anything, but I just find this funny because I have had to talk to so, so many young men as an older guy who has done mentorship/coaching.
You and a hundred million women in their 30’s will repeat this sentiment all day every day. But the moment one ditzy college-age girl says on twitter that she prefers tall guys who wear expensive watches, suddenly an army of incels is born as that one take gets sent all the way to the top of every social media feed and carves out an entire new political movement.
Yeah. People like to be victims. It gives you a out of jail free card to not work on yourself if the world is against you. Doesn’t matter how true or false that is. If you want to find an excuse to not try and to victimize yourself at the same time, there is no limit.
There is sort of a sad poetic irony to the guys who value money and looks over anything substantial because they will spend all their time and energy on appearing rich and alpha and then they will bitch and moan when they can’t find a girl who loves them for them.
And saddest of all: they literally can’t see that all the things they hate women for are their very own values in life, projected onto the opposite sex.
Interesting input.
Am as described, (well, part of my hair is long, the middle. Sides not so much), wear band shirts (punk/metal mostly), and pull out the boots in the winter myself, buuuuuut
100% I’d miss whatever sly little hints you’re throwing, and even if I noticed them I’d think you’re surely just being nice and there’s no way you’re into me.
I’d imagine I’m far from the only one, not talking at all on the date or being able to leave home is a little far lol, but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward or would rather miss signals than make someone feel uncomfortable being hit on in public! I mean hell, why do you think we have long hair and like metal/punk? It’s often partially because we’re a little socially awkward/anxious, and that community is very understanding of it!
My friend, I am not remotely the sly hinty type. I am an elephant in a china shop if I decide to pursue a guy.
At the same time, I am the queen of obliviousness if a guy I deeply respect and like shows me any form of romantic attention, because I don’t believe that someone that amazing could ever like someone like me. Took my boyfriend a few months of sending literal love letters with romantic quotes and pressed flowers, a few visits to my apartment where we would just hang out and get to know each other and him telling me bluntly to my face after a few months that he had a crush on me before the hamster wheel started spinning in my head. The effort he put in to get to know me and to woo me was completely fucking alien to me because most of my romantic endeavors in the past had been me pulling teeth. So, I totally get the concept of being dumb as a brick when somebody likes you.
My guy. I’m not talking about a “little” awkward. The example I gave was of a guy with debilitating social anxiety. When I said “so shy and awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl” I mean it literally. He did not talk to me. He barely looked at me. I walked 20 km to see him at his place (which is pretty fucking stupid, but very gracious of a then 17 year old girl who just wanted this random guy she had never met, to feel comfortable) and I sat there and held a one-sided conversation afloat for at least an hour while he was a potato across from me. He was not a bad guy, he just could not talk to a girl. Probably never had talked to a girl until I came by. I gave up eventually and walked all the way back. 20 km.
I have never written a guy off for being a little awkward. Ever. What I did do was to often put my own comforts, needs and emotional well being on hold for guys who didn’t bother to give anything back at all. I have dated shy, awkward and mentally ill guys. They weren’t great to me. At all. I did all the work all the time and if I ever asked for a crumb of affection I had to deal with tantrums about how they had social anxiety or depression or something else so my comforts didn’t matter because they had it worse and they came first and I had to be more mindful and patient with them.
Being a little shy and awkward is fine. I don’t mind that at all. I mind it when it becomes what defines a person and they feel entitled to make their issue someone else’s responsibility to carry for them.
Relationships are a two way street. You can be shy and awkward and even have social anxiety, but that is not up to a potential partner to fix or accommodate for you at the expense of their own mental and physical health. That is your burden to bear. In dating you cannot sit in silence and let the other person do all the work for you and then get offended if they move on from you. If you give them nothing, they won’t stick around. Even a doormat like me ended up not wanting to deal with that bs anymore and I was lucky enough to end up with someone who understands that you need to earn the other person’s affection and loyalty. It is not owed to you.
We’re not so different, you and I.
I guess it’s a cultural thing, over here you’d instantly get labeled a social outcast or a gangster.
Where are you from? :D I’m Danish and here, being a long haired guy with band t-shirts mostly translates to “dude probably works in tech and is a massive nerd”