I’m becoming a grandpa at 43. Mildly infuriating, 'cause there are way worse things in life.
Unrelated to this post and everything involved in it, my birthday is the 16th! September is a good month for birthdays.
My grandma was 40 when I was born lol
I feel like this isn’t a “mildly infuriating” moment
Their daughter is 16, the boyfriend 18.
Edit: it clicked after I posted. You mean it’s more than “mildly”. Agreed.
Brain no work today.
Or just not infuriating at all. Depends on your life situation, age, wealth, location, etc.
But yeah if you are too young its not a great turn of events usually.
Ah man. That sucks. Your daughter, like most teenagers, doesn’t have a fucking clue what she’s signed up for or that she is placing a major burden on her parents. Unfortunately for her, she’s about to enter the “find out” stage.
It’s bad. But it doesn’t have to stay bad. My wife comes from a generational line of teenage pregnances. Hell, she was your daughters age when she got pregnant. She told the sperm donor to fuck off when it was clear that he was more interested in drugs and petty crime than being a parent.
If you ask my wife today if she regrets becoming a teen mom, she will say, “No. Because it forced me to take responsibility for my kids life, and by extension my life. Something I wasn’t willing to do when it was just me.”
She got her shit together. I hope the same for your daughter. The current situation sucks ass. But there’s still a lot of potential for a good outcome. Your kid is lucky to have a family that cares about her enough to support her and hold her accountable.
Am I reading this right? Because I can’t tell if you’re the drug-addicted criminal of a sperm donor or you’re raising a step daughter.
She is my adopted daughter.
Are you my situational doppelganger?
Ok, thanks! The “can’t tell if you’re the drug addict” was a joke, but I honestly wasn’t sure if it made you the stepdad because I’m an idiot. Thanks for clarifying!
Your wife is your adopted daughter?
Sucks that we live in a society (at least here in the US) that doesn’t do more for teen mothers, all because of the “sin” of wanting to have an orgasm. (and they just ignore that sexual release is a biological imperative.)
Best of luck.
Hey my country has been loudly and proudly proclaiming that teen pregnancies are too low so maybe that will change here lmfaooooo
I mean it wouldn’t be as big of a deal if motherhood was supported properly. If a 19 y/o mother could take 6-8 months or even a year out of college then pick their program back up right where they left off, have plenty of childcare covered by either the state or by family who are doing well enough themselves, and plenty of healthcare for her and the kid, it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. Especially if it were normalized for men to also get and take paternity leave so academics and employers had less reason to discriminate.
Realistically the very tail end of adolescence is the beginning of the sweet spot of when the body is mature enough to handle that we just don’t adequately socially support women at that point (or any other point but). The emotional maturity thing is meant to be supported by older community members. You’re supposed to be able to hand your little brat to a 40y/o who actually has patience to manage them safely when they won’t stop throwing tantrums and we’d have those people if they weren’t also working 80h weeks.
If they really want women having children younger that’s 100% doable with adequate social support for mothers of all ages but they just wanna squeeze every last drop of “productivity” out of every part of this system then get pissy when women get stingy. Like statistics actually support that women make more babies when they feel safe to do so it’s literally that fucking simple but nooo
They aren’t talking about 19 year olds lmao, Republicans and Fox News types have been openly calling for high schoolers to get pregnant. But yes I agree with you, no matter what we should be supporting all of our mothers better in this country.
That is just wild to me. :)
This could be fantastic for you, you’ll be fit enough to play football with the grandkids when they’re inevitably dumped on you for babysitting
Dumped is maybe not the right phrasing. Throughout history extended family and friends have helped raising children.
There is a difference between a planned child with a support system behind them helping and an unplanned teen pregnancy where the mother and father are unfit to take care of a human child and the grandparents have to take on a parent role almost full time while the teens finish school (as an example).
Yeah but there are a lot of assumptions in that. I try not to jump to conclusions, especially not negative ones. We all understand that this can go to shit in a million different ways. It can also go well.
But if you look at history, there are a lot of unplanned pregnancies which resulted in shotgun weddings and extended family structures which supported these events.
Some people have no concept of extended family helping to raise children
Grandparents are extended family now? I think of second cousins and such when I hear that, maybe that’s just me
yes, grandparents are extended family. Nuclear family members are your parents and siblings, everyone else related to you by blood is extended.
Its really not, but was trying to meet OP halfway lol
How was the birth control talks like? Was there any discussion about getting an iud?
Or just a condom for that matter
yeah although your kid and their partner need to be more disciplined for that. Also there are fringe benefits to getting an iud. If I was a woman with the knowledge I have now I would get one in a heartbeat.
They can also be a nightmare for some women putting their hormones out of whack and making their periods worse. Birth control sadly isn’t a one size fits all
yeah which is why its great to try reversible things. Especially ones that can be controlled by the woman. condoms, when used, properly, can prevent pregnancy. I mean you want to stress to your kids to use them regarless because of disease but its good to have a backup. iuds also don’t have to be hormonal. again though as you said one size does not fit all so best to go through the options and not rely on one.
I’m in a position to say felicitations. You got to have a partner, an offspring, will get to do grandpa things before you are too old and wizened to really enjoy them. Life is short but its road is better shared with loved ones.
Keep writing the narrative in your head-and-heart-bit like it is the beginning of a great adventure.
Grats.
I have four children, and all of them are adults. I don’t think I will ever be a grandpa. I hope you will take your grandpa duties seriously and think about exactly what you want to be, and who you want to be.
Dang, and here I am in my early 40’s with a 4 year old. I wish you luck, from the comments here you definitely don’t sound very excited and rightfully so. Kids don’t realize what they will lose when they have a kid that young. The best years of my life were my early 20’s mostly due to the freedom to do whatever I wanted without the burden of the world coming down on me yet.
I guess the best part is that you are definitely young enough to see your grandkid grow up as well and be able to spend quality time with everyone. My parents had me at 21 and their parents had them in their early 20’s as well so I am one of the few people I know that still has grandparents at my age. Even my wifes grandparents are gone and so are her parents and gives me some perspective on why its about the only good reason to have a kid younger rather than later.
My daughter is 4 too. While I get the worries, and I absolutely don’t want to encourage or downplay teenage pregnancies, I’ve thought about it a lot, and if she ever became pregnant at a young age, I decided that my first reaction needs to be one of joy and congratulations. Because if she ends up keeping the kid, it’s gonna be loved, and I want them to know that people were happy about them existing and being chosen to exist, and not just looked at as a burden and accident. I can’t imagine how awful it must feel if the first reaction from everyone is shock, disgust, “fafo”, anger. That being said, the next thing is I would make sure I’d support her no matter what decision she takes. Abortion, adoption, raising the kid, I’m on board because it is her life, her body, her decision.
Dang, and here I am in my early 40’s with a 4 year old
High five buddy, same here
47 is early 40’s, right? Then count me in!
If you aren’t 50 then its early 40s imo
Hah.
I almost became one at 28 (stepdaughter who I raised), then she had twins right after I turned 31. Great grandparent at 54.
The deed happened when my wife and I were on our honeymoon. I like to tell my adult granddaughter that she lived for a while in the room she was conceived in. As an adult.
good luck with a third child!
they didn’t want an abortion?
When I got my first girlfriend pregnant, my dad said to me “as far as I can tell, your options are abortion or adoption.”
At the time, I didn’t want to be a dad, but that wasn’t the right response. I get the same energy from yours.
Sounds like a good response to me, if you’re talking to teenagers who can swallow their ego and see things realistically
In this situation, I’m not saying whether the advice was good or bad. I’m saying it was a bad way to present his viewpoint and, even if the recipient agreed with him, unlikely to get a positive response.
And for what it’s worth, it didn’t. Not from me, not from the girl, not from the people in the room who weren’t directly personally invested in the situation.
edit: Corrected spelling.
Agreed. As we say in Germany, “the tone makes the music”
Damn how many girlfriends have you gotten pregnant?
One girlfriend, one wife.
Try not to presume the worst, OP. I hope the in-laws provide parenting and meditation classes. Maybe a nanny?
Her boyfriend’s mom is super excited and told them that, since she’s a rich, bored housewife with nothing to do, she can take care of the baby and they can do whatever they want.
Depending on how things go, that’s how you lose access to your grandchild
That’s…not really teaching them parenting. But maybe she will? Do you know them? Do they have decent values (other than teen pregnancy)? I would encourage getting to know them and being involved in your child’s and grandchild’s lives, and avoiding alienation. That means some give and take, from everyone. I wish you and everyone all the best.
Okay i don’t want to shit on your parenting here but that is certainly something to have happen at age 17. Unfortunate that the kids felt not comfortable asking for or obtaining protection themselves.
Thing is, it wasn’t an accident. The boyfriend’s family is wealthy, so their line of thinking was: “There’s money, why not be young parents? It’s so romantic.”
And… They didn’t communicate this with you beforehand?
Holy shit, that takes this post to another level.
Good luck to everyone involved.
Let’s hope their relationship doesn’t go sour, or that wealth is going to hire a suite of attorneys to ensure your family gets as little access to that child as possible
Sounds great, what’s the problem?
19 and 17 year olds being parents sounds terrible to me. Kids raising kids.
It’s a decision but I’m predicting issues
I was 19 when my first was born. Can say it wrecked my life for years, and I was not even legally allowed to see him for 16 years.
What happened that you were not even allowed to see him? Generally that only happens in cases of abuse where I’m from.
An asshole in the child services department. My kid’s other parent was over heard talking about a dream involving me. It was taken as fact. I was told I was not allowed contact or face prison time. Because of this I sought to terminate my parental rights. The same person told my ex that I wanted nothing to do with my kid and they should never contact me.
I met my kid the day after birth, stayed for 2 days before I had to get back home. We lived about 500 miles apart at the time. I had already moved 2000 miles to be closer to them after they left college.
Let’s be real, 85% of the problem with being a young parent is money. The other 15% is maturity. With 85% of the problem solved it won’t be so bad
I’d say it’s closer to 50/50. Immature or unprepared parents can absolutely wreck a childhood; if all they have is money, you can expect either an arrogant little shit or a kid with lots of mental health problems.
It’s also a really new relationship and people change a lot at that age. I’m worried but hopefully they’ll be alright
Because you’ve got about as good of odds to have a good and lasting relationship at that age as you do of winning a large lottery sum.
It’s a stupid gamble.
He can just bail and pay child support when it gets difficult, she’ll be saddled with raising the kid - or just as likely OP will end up with the kid most of the time while she fucks off and does whatever. Party, school, or work. Even if they stay together she’s just a (maybe) high school graduate beholden to the guy and the family money. She’s property. That’s what the odds vastly favor.
Anything else is wishful thinking, what might happen. Hey, I hope I’m wrong, but these two are already idiots if this is as far as their thought processes went. “Just live off the family money and bang out a kid…” is stupid.
Is that you, every republican lawmaker?
This sounds like unplanned parenthood and it’s especially awful for teenager, and can be extra wrecking for OP’s daughter. There’s always stress involved when raising kids. OP’s infuriated probably because he know their mindset haven’t mature yet, and his daugher will get the short end of the stick if the marriage doesn’t worked out since the inlaw is rich.
